I Need Help Blowing Up a Pond.

[Tiger]

Does anyone remember the photo I showed months ago of my duck with the deformed bill? Well, now it is winter and because of his bill he can not pick up food off of the frozen ground - his top beak does not meet his bottom beak. I used to be able to make a pancake stuff with some corn oil and put little bits in the pond and he is able to get them.

But now - the pond has been frozen over for a few days and every day I have to go out and chop a hole in the ice with an ax. The hole is not so big - I get a little worn out - but today my son suggests that we blow a hole in the pond somehow. That sounds good to me.

But how to do it? I know how to make dry ice bombs but I doubt they would pack enough punch to get us a nice size hole - and since it keeps freezing over - I might have to blow it up once a day - and that would take a lot of dry ice.

Does anyone else have an idea? I want to at least blow it up one time. Soon my husband will be home and then he can chop if he wants - but for now - I wish someone would tell me how to blow a big hole in it.

Safely, of course.

A duck's life is at stake here.

Kill 'em!!

Oh, wait...wrong thread?

[Observer]

60 pounds of C4 ought to do it.

[Tiger]

What is C4 and where can I get some?

[Satan]

;D

[Tiger]

This is a serious thread, Sky. I really need to blow up that pond. And I want to do it quickly - before my husband gets home.

If you know how - you better tell.

I'm gonna have uncomfortable feelings if Sky knows how to "blow" anything.

[Tiger]

I could shoot the pond - with a shotgun.

But we really want to blow it up. I can still get amonium nitrate - since we have a farm - but I wouldn't know what to do with it.

We need to be able to either throw the bomb out on the pond (so it blows up the middle) or pull it out without getting too far out ourselves. I am afraid we will fall through. We walked on the outside edges - but I heard some creaks and groans.

[Tiger]

I'm gonna have uncomfortable feelings if Sky knows how to "blow" anything.




You are soooooo naughty. Now - tell me what I need to know. I know you know how.

[Satan]

This is a serious thread, Sky. I really need to blow up that pond. And I want to do it quickly - before my husband gets home.

If you know how - you better tell.


Hey, I got a truckload of power saws and shit, but I ain't there...

[Tiger]

Hey, I got a truckload of power saws and shit, but I ain't there...



I have power saws too. And a good reciprocating saw - but it is too far for a cord to run. And my son is not a lot of help since he is still recovering from cutting off the ends of two of his fingers on a table saw last month.

But sawing is not a bad idea. But just think if I could blow the ice right out of the pond?

That would be a big hole and no one would have to go out on the ice to do it.

And maybe I could blow the ice WAY out - so I didn't have to shovel it out of the hole after. That is the hardest part.

You are soooooo naughty. Now - tell me what I need to know. I know you know how.


C-4 is an illegal substance...unless you're killing people "legally."

If you weren't in such a hurry you can buy a pond deicer that runs on electricity and thaw your pond out in a day or two.

[guido]

Tiger, don't they make agitators of some sort that they use to keep water from freezing around piers and boat docks?

Tiger, don't they make agitators of some sort that they use to keep water from freezing around piers and boat docks?




Don't be silly. Tiger needs everything to be brought in with a "bang" and the faster the better. You know...just to "get it over with?"

[Tiger]

Look at his beak.

Look at his beak.


Kill 'em!!

[Tiger]

C-4 is an illegal substance...unless you're killing people "legally."



Well, hmph...............

thanks a lot, Observer. Got my hopes up for nothing. ;)

[guido]

Look at his beak.


He looks like he's part fish......lol

BTW, how many fish are going to die in the explosion to save the duck? ;D

I'm moving this thread to "Good Eating."

[Tiger]

I don't know about agitators - but there are de-icers for stock tanks - but they are not enought to thaw a hard frozen pond.

Next - the pond sits a good ways from the house - so I would either need to run a really really long cord - and the animals could chew it up - or trench in an electric line - and my little ducky would be dead by then.

I heard you can build a bomb with fingernail polish remover. Anyone know about that?

[Tiger]

Don't you be dissin my duck now. He's a good friend.

I'm moving this thread to "Good Eating."




;D


Aw shit .... got to clean my monitor now.

[Tiger]

He looks like he's part fish......lol

BTW, how many fish are going to die in the explosion to save the duck? ;D



I think the fish (only goldfish) will stay towards the bottom of the pond - so they should not be hurt.

[Tiger]

I gotta go.

Please please please take pity on my duck and leave some bomb instructions for me. It is a good deed.

[guido]

I heard you can build a bomb with fingernail polish remover. Anyone know about that?


I've been known to build a nuclear device out of tongue depressors, chewing gum and twine. Fingernail polish remover? Can't help ya there. ;)

[Persephone]

Am I the only person wondering what Tiger really wants the bomb for? ;D

You interfered somewhere you shouldn't have involved yourself. In the natural order the duck would have died off, now you are faced with the dilemma of having fed the animal, and now you're responsible for its well-being. This is exactly why I don't support any group that rescues wild animals. This poor deformed creature should already be dead.

My answer is to leave the pond alone and kill the duck. I have plenty of good recipes.

I think the fish (only goldfish) will stay towards the bottom of the pond - so they should not be hurt.





Oh yeah, the concussion will kill everything in the pond.




Can't you put the duck in a pen? Feed him there?

[guido]

Am I the only person wondering what Tiger really wants the bomb for? ;D


No, but I make it a habit to play along with the criminally insane. :D

I think the fish (only goldfish) will stay towards the bottom of the pond - so they should not be hurt.




That depends on what you use to blow the hole in the pond. You'll either kill them outright or poison them. Is the life of one duck, that would have already died if left to its own devices, really more important than the fishes' lives?

From what I understand a low yield nuclear bomb should do the trick, strategically placed of course. Quite harmless to the area, hey we got them why not use them?

How to build a bomb...

http://www.boschs.org/articles/halfcrazed/htbab.shtml

With Jell-o?

The question I have is...

If Tiger has 300 ducks and she has only ONE nuclear bomb and the person giving her thab bomb says that she can only detonate an area of five miles in diameter, which ducks live?

[truelies]

The question I have is...

If Tiger has 300 ducks and she has only ONE nuclear bomb and the person giving her thab bomb says that she can only detonate an area of five miles in diameter, which ducks live?


No problem- none of the ducks live anywhere near observer's armchair. All 300 survive, unless lonestar Fed Ex's the Wolf back to Kansas.

[jeny]

I would not go to that much trouble for a duck. Why not just hand feed the damn thing, if it's that important to you?

[Tiger]

Am I the only person wondering what Tiger really wants the bomb for? ;D





I really want to blow up the pond. ONLY the pond. If you tried to chop that ice for hours (ok, minutes...) everyday - the idea would be attractive to you too. You chop and then you shovel the ice out of the hole and then you chop some more. And the ax is heavy and your back and shoulders hurt from the last few times you were chopping and then just when you are ready to break through the ice - you swing that ax and the pond water spurts up in your face. Oh yeah - YOU would want to blow it up too.



Liz - don't you DARE talk about duckling recipes. UD (ugly duckling) is a good friend.


Jen - I cant' catch him. He and the other duck, Dur, won't let me get that close. In the summer - I tried to lure them to eat out of my hand - but they would not do it.

Lonestar - I think it would be a lot easier - and more fun to blow up a pond than to build a pen - and then I would have to do the catching thing again.
The pic of my daughter holding them - came when she released them into the pond. This is all her fault - she bought them as little tiny ducklings from the local farm store. I told her not to - but she did anyway. When they got big enough - she put them in my pond. First she built a floating duck house for them - but they would have no part of it - and frankly - it was ugly and our house is (still) on the market.

But as time wore on - in the course of feeding many of her 'saved' animals - Ud and Dur became my friends. They would make the long trip from the pond each morning and evening to eat in front of the house. The grass was soft and high then and Ud could get his bill around the pieces of food I would put out for him. I would also throw shelled corn on the pond and he could get that. Now - there is no way to get the corn to him - although Dur can still peck it up.

My daughter tried to get them to learn to fly - so they could migrate - but they would have no part of that - and so - here we are - winter - and the two ducks are very cold - they cuddle together and walk on the top of the pond - looking for a place to get in. It is so sad.

If Ud dies - I am sure Dur will die of a broken heart. So really - two duck's lives hang in the balance here.

BAdnews - That is not a recipe for a bomb! That is a recipe for a jello dessert. But if one eats enough of it - one might have explosions from their own lower hemisphere.

I'm just gonna hafta go find out on my own - aren't I?

You guys are a big help. ::)

I really want to blow up the pond. ONLY the pond. If you tried to chop that ice for hours (ok, minutes...) everyday - the idea would be attractive to you too. You chop and then you shovel the ice out of the hole and then you chop some more. And the ax is heavy and your back and shoulders hurt from the last few times you were chopping and then just when you are ready to break through the ice - you swing that ax and the pond water spurts up in your face. Oh yeah - YOU would want to blow it up too.



Liz - don't you DARE talk about duckling recipes. UD (ugly duckling) is a good friend.


Jen - I cant' catch him. He and the other duck, Dur, won't let me get that close. In the summer - I tried to lure them to eat out of my hand - but they would not do it.

Lonestar - I think it would be a lot easier - and more fun to blow up a pond than to build a pen - and then I would have to do the catching thing again.
The pic of my daughter holding them - came when she released them into the pond. This is all her fault - she bought them as little tiny ducklings from the local farm store. I told her not to - but she did anyway. When they got big enough - she put them in my pond. First she built a floating duck house for them - but they would have no part of it - and frankly - it was ugly and our house is (still) on the market.

But as time wore on - in the course of feeding many of her 'saved' animals - Ud and Dur became my friends. They would make the long trip from the pond each morning and evening to eat in front of the house. The grass was soft and high then and Ud could get his bill around the pieces of food I would put out for him. I would also throw shelled corn on the pond and he could get that. Now - there is no way to get the corn to him - although Dur can still peck it up.

My daughter tried to get them to learn to fly - so they could migrate - but they would have no part of that - and so - here we are - winter - and the two ducks are very cold - they cuddle together and walk on the top of the pond - looking for a place to get in. It is so sad.

If Ud dies - I am sure Dur will die of a broken heart. So really - two duck's lives hang in the balance here.

BAdnews - That is not a recipe for a bomb! That is a recipe for a jello dessert. But if one eats enough of it - one might have explosions from their own lower hemisphere.

I'm just gonna hafta go find out on my own - aren't I?

You guys are a big help. ::)


I'm sorry no animal is worth that much trouble, but if it's really your daughter's fault, make her deal with it. Unless, that is, you really want to blow up the pond. As for the duck being a friend, they're some of the dumber animals on earth. How can you be friends with an animal that blinks and thinks it's a new day?

[truelies]

............................. As for the duck being a friend, they're some of the dumber animals on earth. How can you be friends with an animal that blinks and thinks it's a new day?


Heck I know men who have married women like that. Of course though they had a nice set of hooters and did not waddle when they walked.....................BUT on the other had these ducks are probably much more even tempered.

[ponygurl]

Tig..get an ice pick. It will make chopping the hole easier until these seasoned veterans( ::) ) get you an explosives recipe.
I think you would get a larger hole with the pick.
Can you keep a bucket orf rock salt down there and salt one side of the hole to keep it from freezing over as fast and solidly?

[ponygurl]

I'm sorry no animal is worth that much trouble, but if it's really your daughter's fault, make her deal with it. Unless, that is, you really want to blow up the pond. As for the duck being a friend, they're some of the dumber animals on earth. How can you be friends with an animal that blinks and thinks it's a new day?

I'd be doing what Tig is doing if it was me too.

I'd be doing what Tig is doing if it was me too.


Not me, he'd already have been dead, stuffed and covered in the right sauce.

[ponygurl]

Not me, he'd already have been dead, stuffed and covered in the right sauce.

:o ;D
When I was a kid.. we had ducks. Seems male domestic ducks are too lazy to fly. those damn females were out more than they were in though.

[mbig]

Five Spice Roast Duck
Serves 4
( 2 serves 8 )

Ingredients:
5 to 5-1/2 pound Duck
1 orange, halved
1 onion, halved
2-1/2 tablespoons five spice mix
1 tablespoon ground Szechuan peppercorns
1 tablespoon ground fennel seed
5 star anise, ground
5 whole cloves, ground
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground coriander
(reserve remaining mix for other uses)

Directions:

1. Preheat the oven to 500°F. Pat the duck dry with paper towels. Place the orange and onion in the cavity. Using a fork, prick the duck all over, just through the skin to the meat. Rub the duck with the mix and place on a flat rack in a roasting pan.
2. Place the duck in the oven for 10 minutes, then reduce the heat to 400° F and roast for about 15 to 20 minutes per pound. Prick the skin every 20 minutes to release the fat.
3. When the bird is golden brown and the juices run clear when the underside is pricked with a fork, remove the bird from the oven and allow it to rest for 7 to 10 minutes before carving.

Thanks to: New Game Cuisine / Janet Hazen

Five Spice Roast Duck
Serves 4
( 2 serves 8 )

Ingredients:
5 to 5-1/2 pound Duck
1 orange, halved
1 onion, halved
2-1/2 tablespoons five spice mix
1 tablespoon ground Szechuan peppercorns
1 tablespoon ground fennel seed
5 star anise, ground
5 whole cloves, ground
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon ground coriander
(reserve remaining mix for other uses)

Directions:

1. Preheat the oven to 500°F. Pat the duck dry with paper towels. Place the orange and onion in the cavity. Using a fork, prick the duck all over, just through the skin to the meat. Rub the duck with the mix and place on a flat rack in a roasting pan.
2. Place the duck in the oven for 10 minutes, then reduce the heat to 400° F and roast for about 15 to 20 minutes per pound. Prick the skin every 20 minutes to release the fat.
3. When the bird is golden brown and the juices run clear when the underside is pricked with a fork, remove the bird from the oven and allow it to rest for 7 to 10 minutes before carving.

Thanks to: New Game Cuisine / Janet Hazen



That sounds so good.

[wellkeptsecrets]

mbig, are you trying to get on Tigers hit list? Although I do agree with Liz, that does sound yummy. :)

[Unca Walt]

Just discovered this thread...

(*sigh*)

Dunno if'n I'm doing the right thing, here, but...

To make a cratering low-order charge explosive (good for derailing trains, removing stumps, and the like... runs about 13,000 fps.):

Thought it over...

Tiger: Sorry, but Unca Walt's Evil Early Life just give me too much knowledge that really should not be shared. I have removed the careful instructions.

You prolly don't want to empty your pond anyways...

I dunno why I am telling you this... I may take this offa here...

Unca Walt

[truelies]

Dang Walt- this is not the best venue to be sharing such knowledge.

[Unca Walt]

truelies...

I think I agree. My goddamn' misspent spook youth coming to the fore. Please remove your "quote", and I'll remove my careful instructions.

Dunno what I wuz thinking...

Unca Walt

[mbig]

mbig, are you trying to get on Tigers hit list? Although I do agree with Liz, that does sound yummy. :)




If I was trying to get on Tiger's hit List.. I would have suggested what first came to me when I saw her Bomb/Frozen Pond problem.



http://www.odmag.com/OD/Images/Articles/suicide_cartoon.jpg

[wellkeptsecrets]

If I was trying to get on Tiger's hit List.. I would have suggested what first came to me when I saw her Bomb/Frozen Pond problem.



http://www.odmag.com/OD/Images/Articles/suicide_cartoon.jpg


Nice. ???

[Unca Walt]

Somebody help pore ole Unca...

I don't unnerstan' the cartoon.

[Tiger]

Somebody help pore ole Unca...

I don't unnerstan' the cartoon.





I don't either - but I think it might have been a joke about blowing myself up.

;)

Thanks for your advice - even though you saw fit to pull it. Why is there an attraction to making things "go boom"?

I now have a large rubber stock tank and a heater so UD (the duck) is able to swim about and dive (shallowly) and preen himself to his heart's content - and closer to the house - so I don't have to worry about coyotes getting him. Since his friend (Dur) got eaten by something - he has befriended the dog, Peaches. Now he thinks he is part canine. Too cute.

Thanks for your help.

;)

[JohnS]

Just discovered this thread...

(*sigh*)

Dunno if'n I'm doing the right thing, here, but...

To make a cratering low-order charge explosive (good for derailing trains, removing stumps, and the like... runs about 13,000 fps.):

Thought it over...

Tiger: Sorry, but Unca Walt's Evil Early Life just give me too much knowledge that really should not be shared. I have removed the careful instructions.

You prolly don't want to empty your pond anyways...

I dunno why I am telling you this... I may take this offa here...

Unca Walt


If you're referring to the 60lb of C4, that would probably give her a 7 acre pond, 50 ft. deep. I don't remember the expansion rate for C4 being 13,000 fps., I thought it was more like 21,000 fps. or maybe that was detcord. Seems like I remember that detcord was fast enough to go from LA to NYC in 12 minutes. Ah but details of the old life do get foggy. ;D

[JohnS]

Somebody help pore ole Unca...

I don't unnerstan' the cartoon.




I didn't understand it either.

I did look something on C-4 that was interesting:


When the chemical reaction begins, the C-4 decomposes to release a variety of gases (notably, nitrogen and carbon oxides). The gases initially expand at about 26,400 feet per second (8,050 meters per second), applying a huge amount of force to everything in the surrounding area. At this expansion rate, it is totally impossible to outrun the explosion like they do in dozens of action movies. To the observer, the explosion is nearly instantaneous -- one second, everything's normal, and the next it's totally destroyed.

http://people.howstuffworks.com/c-42.htm



The website even has the ingredients for C-4 so Tiger can stir up a batch in her kitchen if she wants to. ;D

[Unca Walt]

What *I* posted was specific instructions to make a cratering charge ANFO (Ammonium Nitrate Fuel Oil) explosive. And how to set it off. It is a low-order explosive... but that fools folks who don't know what low order - high order means. It's a brisance thing. Rest assured (look at whatzisface the anarchist and what he achieved with an ANFO thing) that it would break up the ice.

But truelies pointed out that the information I was giving was just too easy to be taken astray by some nutjob. ANFO is simple, but you really cannot find out JUST HOW to really do it very easily... Unless some old Gubmint-taught guy comes outa the woodwork (Your Humble Obdn't &tc for instance).

So I took it down. You'da prolly emptied your pond anyway...

Unca Walt

What *I* posted was specific instructions to make a cratering charge ANFO (Ammonium Nitrate Fuel Oil) explosive. And how to set it off. It is a low-order explosive... but that fools folks who don't know what low order - high order means. It's a brisance thing. Rest assured (look at whatzisface the anarchist and what he achieved with an ANFO thing) that it would break up the ice.

But truelies pointed out that the information I was giving was just too easy to be taken astray by some nutjob. ANFO is simple, but you really cannot find out JUST HOW to really do it very easily... Unless some old Gubmint-taught guy comes outa the woodwork (Your Humble Obdn't &tc for instance).

So I took it down. You'da prolly emptied your pond anyway...

Unca Walt


You were right to pull the instructions, no idea who might be lurking here.

[McBp_2003]

What *I* posted was specific instructions to make a cratering charge ANFO (Ammonium Nitrate Fuel Oil) explosive. And how to set it off. It is a low-order explosive... but that fools folks who don't know what low order - high order means. It's a brisance thing. Rest assured (look at whatzisface the anarchist and what he achieved with an ANFO thing) that it would break up the ice.

But truelies pointed out that the information I was giving was just too easy to be taken astray by some nutjob. ANFO is simple, but you really cannot find out JUST HOW to really do it very easily... Unless some old Gubmint-taught guy comes outa the woodwork (Your Humble Obdn't &tc for instance).

So I took it down. You'da prolly emptied your pond anyway...

Unca Walt


Do you talk the way you write?

[Unca Walt]

Wha, actual I be talk Ebonics, homey.

It was pointed out to me that I tend to write in a combination grassroots and John Wayne... except when mah skin gits itchy.

In the words of the Bard: "Assholes do vex me!" ;D

What was further pointed out wuz that on the very rare occasions I gits pissed, I write like a Columbia post-graduate addressing a Bostonian philosophy class.

Nice to know I'se flexibobble.

Unca Walt

[ponygurl]

that on the very rare occasions I gits pissed, I write like a Columbia post-graduate



Unca Walt

There are some post graduates that spell pretty shitty.. so keerful. ;D ;)

Wha, actual I be talk Ebonics, homey.

It was pointed out to me that I tend to write in a combination grassroots and John Wayne... except when mah skin gits itchy.

In the words of the Bard: "Assholes do vex me!" ;D

What was further pointed out wuz that on the very rare occasions I gits pissed, I write like a Columbia post-graduate addressing a Bostonian philosophy class.

Nice to know I'se flexibobble.

Unca Walt


Where are you from Walt?

[Larry_Oldtimer]

Tiger, I am glad you came to your senses and got the heated stock thingy. Aside from everything else, I am sure that the government would not be happy at all if you did manage to blow a hole in the pond, and it would soon freeze up again quickly in any event. The government takes a really dim view of people who are not licensed for explosive use blowing up things on their own. Of course, if you were looking forward to a long vacation in Guantonomo Bay, blowing up your pond might be a fine idea indeed ;D

[MADG]

Tiger, don't they make agitators of some sort that they use to keep water from freezing around piers and boat docks?




Give that man a cee-gar... a "bubbler" would do the trick nicely, and the required home air compressor would have other uses. (I think it sucks that gas stations are now charging for AIR!)

[Unca Walt]

Tiger, I am glad you came to your senses and got the heated stock thingy. Aside from everything else, I am sure that the government would not be happy at all if you did manage to blow a hole in the pond, and it would soon freeze up again quickly in any event. The government takes a really dim view of people who are not licensed for explosive use blowing up things on their own. Of course, if you were looking forward to a long vacation in Guantonomo Bay, blowing up your pond might be a fine idea indeed ;D


Larry:

That thought had entered my weary head, too. Tiger blows her pond to hell, and here come the cops...

[Unca Walt]

Where are you from Walt?


Willow,

I wuz borned in Connecticut (true) while my parents were vacationing in New Mexico (I was a very independent kid).

I was born under the sign of "Hospital".

I was born in 1940 (I allus felt responsible for WWII).

Dang, just gittin borned gave me three one-liners!

I lived in a small town (it only had two one-way streets, and they both led out of town. Our town was so small, the phone book had only one Yellow Page.

Folks would go on down to the corner to watch the traffic light change. They'd applaud the yellows... On Saturday, it was the major thing for folks to go to watch the bread truck unload at the 7-11...

Had a sign outside our church: "Tired of sin? Come on in." But Frieda Groper (the girl in our class voted most likely to conceive) had scrawled beneath it: "If not, call 555-1342!"

There was a rough element in our town. Kids would call into the radio show with song dedications like, "I'm sorry I shot you, Miss Buckley."

The local restaurant was rough, too. It served "Broken Leg Of Lamb". The hatcheck girl's name was Dominic.

Where was I? Oh, yeah... you axed where I was from. Hellfar, girl, I'm from dang near everywhere but one place (which is where I are).

I have, however, lived in Long Island, Upstate New York, Virginia, Texas, and Florida. I have been to every continent except Antarctica and Owstrilia.

Married oncet, shot oncet, stabbed oncet, blown up oncet, and flew lotsa airyoplanes. Wrote some books (wanna buy my latest and best? It'll make you cry for happy, no error). Click here: http://home.earthlink.net/~waltsned/

Got two sons that are standouts by everyone ELSE'S standards (one is a wonderful doctor, the other is 2 times National Champion in Judo, 5 times Florida State Champion -- holds black belts in Judo, Jiujitsu, and Kendo).

But enough about me. What do YOU think about me? ;D ;D

Unca Walt

[NorNec]

Look at his beak.



How do you know its a he?

[NorNec]

Willow,

I wuz borned in Connecticut (true) while my parents were vacationing in New Mexico (I was a very independent kid).

I was born under the sign of "Hospital".

I was born in 1940 (I allus felt responsible for WWII).

Dang, just gittin borned gave me three one-liners!

I lived in a small town (it only had two one-way streets, and they both led out of town. Our town was so small, the phone book had only one Yellow Page.

Folks would go on down to the corner to watch the traffic light change. They'd applaud the yellows... On Saturday, it was the major thing for folks to go to watch the bread truck unload at the 7-11...

Had a sign outside our church: "Tired of sin? Come on in." But Frieda Groper (the girl in our class voted most likely to conceive) had scrawled beneath it: "If not, call 555-1342!"

There was a rough element in our town. Kids would call into the radio show with song dedications like, "I'm sorry I shot you, Miss Buckley."

The local restaurant was rough, too. It served "Broken Leg Of Lamb". The hatcheck girl's name was Dominic.

Where was I? Oh, yeah... you axed where I was from. Hellfar, girl, I'm from dang near everywhere but one place (which is where I are).

I have, however, lived in Long Island, Upstate New York, Virginia, Texas, and Florida. I have been to every continent except Antarctica and Owstrilia.

Married oncet, shot oncet, stabbed oncet, blown up oncet, and flew lotsa airyoplanes. Wrote some books (wanna buy my latest and best? It'll make you cry for happy, no error). Click here: http://home.earthlink.net/~waltsned/

Got two sons that are standouts by everyone ELSE'S standards (one is a wonderful doctor, the other is 2 times National Champion in Judo, 5 times Florida State Champion -- holds black belts in Judo, Jiujitsu, and Kendo).

But enough about me. What do YOU think about me? ;D ;D

Unca Walt



In my town, we were so poor the rainbow was in black and white.

It was so tough, when the teacher told us to form a double line....we all got high.

We had pollution issues too. We would be asked at the diner how we wanted our fish cooked.....and what kind of oil......... texaco or mobile.


Some people were so fat, when they went swimming,.....they left a ring around the lake.


There was only one girl in town and having sex with her was like shooting pool with a rope.


If you were gay, you got killed.